So I had it all, right? - well sort of. I had the man of my dreams, so it certainly felt that I was on cloud 9 and nothing could stop me because that's all I needed!
Reality check girl - give yourself a slap - the world is not that kind!
So December was blissful, we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and living together, we turned into a very cute little couple. MB didn't have a car and moving away from the city meant he moved away from work and could no longer walk. As luck would have it I was recently unemployed, so I didn't require my car in the day really, so he got insured and started using the car. Pretty big commitment right?
So I was going for interviews, and being the perfect little house wife - doing the cleaning, the washing and getting food in - he would then do the cooking, because he enjoyed it. We planned alsorts.
We had those amazing conversations where you stay up late, planning an amazing life together - he really wanted a baby, and I mean daily he would throw hints about wanting one now. We even agreed names - Norah and Ollie. A little much for me - but being up on my cloud 9 I thought my dreams had really started to come true. I mean I am 31 this year, and actually the option of having children, society persuades us, is getting slimmer by the day. So I would ideally like a child in the next couple of years if I am going to have any - not a fan of the idea of being an older mom. I will come onto my views of having children in another post - rant for another day :)
We talked about being each others 'end game' meaning this was the one, no more dating and messing about this was the one for life. We talked about getting a dog, because we are both obsessed, but currently work too many hours.
The first weekend MB was living with me, I had already arranged to go to one of my best friends birthday house party. Obviously I didn't know how he'd feel about it considering she used to work with us, so he knew her and it was still so soon. I asked him to join and he actually said yes! I was buzzing. It was fancy dress kind of - Christmas/Hawaiian theme (I know we are weird) so we all had shirts with surfing Santa's on, and MB wore a Hawaiian type shirt, really got in the spirit.
The party was great, MB met my sister again and he told her that he had moved in - which was so weird, but amazing that he wanted to tell her. We drank loads, we had our first photos together, we laughed and overall had such a good night. It couldn't have been better for me - my friends, my family and my new boyfriend.
The following week - another first, me and my sister had booked to go to a pub quiz with her dad and some of my friends. Again I left it to MB to see if he wanted to come. He was feeling pretty ill with flu so wasn't sure, but he agreed! Again, bringing my family friends and new boyfriend together, I was overwhelmed with joy.
We had date nights and nights in - I even went to an event, and MB dropped me and my friends and I came home drunk to him. It was starting to really feel like a relationship very quickly.
So I eventually got a job, and by eventually I actually turned it around in 3 weeks, which is pretty damn good if you ask me - my first week was pretty intense having to stay away for a few nights - Warrington and Ireland. So this was another first for us - being apart, and MB having my house to himself - big step? But everything was great, we messaged all the time, we face timed once if not twice a day. I flew home from Cork and that night we had the work fake Christmas Party.
This was the first thing we were going to as a couple - but not really advertising it. MB felt that it was too soon after his split to advertise that he was with someone new. However a few people did twig. Going home with him and people seeing this was such a weird feeling - pride, excitement, anxious, love! I was so happy.
That weekend we were parting again for Christmas - I was going to spend the holiday with my family in Wales, and he was going to his in Leicester. I already couldn't bare to be apart from him.
So MB is a giving and thoughtful person, and when we had initially talked about Christmas we had said no presents. Then over the weeks we had started saying presents. So I got carried away - brought him new Converse as he never owned a pair - even as I am writing this, and I'm sure as you are reading, we are all thinking RED FLAG. Agreed, who doesn't own Converse? I also got him some aftershave that you can no longer get over the counter, so this was an effort. I got some Jack wills boxers and socks, and a cheese fondue set because he is such a lover of cheese!
When we exchanged, he gave me a wrapped envelope ... again I know you are thinking Red Flag! I had gone to a lot of effort, and clearly this wasn't reciprocated. Now don't get me wrong I don't give to receive, and he had just come out of a relationship so to buy for someone new would be weird for anyone. He loved his gifts (we opened before going away) and I must say I loved mine. He knows how much I love cars, and it was a really fantastic track day in 4 super cars. So it was thoughtful after all, and cost fortune to be fair.
I dropped MB at the train station with all his gifts for his family (which I had chosen, as per a typical boy he was useless) and picked up my sister and headed off to Wales.
It was a lovely few days, and I actually did miss MB. He told me repeatedly he missed me and loved me, we messaged all day every day and face timed once if not twice a day. We were heading back for work on the Wednesday and he thought there were plenty of trains, but he messed up and there were none. So being a good girlfriend that I am, I offered to drive all the way to Leicester on the way home ... which entails going an hour passed Birmingham to come back. He did take over the driving though so not all bad.
I basically would do anything for this boy. I really loved him. <3
Next few days were weird - E messaged me again saying MB wanted to get back with her, and it really knocked me sick. He said there was no truth in it and that he still wanted to be with me. I started to really feel ill, and not want to eat with all the insecurities I had.
My last relationship had ended really badly, and I really struggled mentally afterwards. Its scary how something can effect you physically and mentally. Before MB moved in I sat with him and clearly said if we are going to do this, we do it properly and all in, I was so clear that I couldn't get hurt again like I was before. And in many ways he has hurt me more!
New Years Eve however was brilliant. I was at work in the day, we had gotten into a routine of MB dropping me at the station in the morning and picking me up - it was so cute. And he actually wanted to do it too. So he picked me up after work, and he had booked a restaurant, and I had booked somewhere for drinks to actually spend midnight.
We had a few drinks at home - loads of selfies, and Polaroid pictures, before we went. Then we went to a Tepinyaki restaurant that was brilliant. I had never done before, have you? Where they cook in-front of you and you choose exactly whats going into the dish. I had duck! AMAZING! But they also get you to participate. Now I am clumsy at the best of times - trust me! But when this little guy asked me to stand up in-front of people and flip an un-cracked egg and catch it, well normally I would say no, never in a million years! But I'd a few wines, so I gave it a go. I actually did it can you believe and was so pleased, but as per Harriet world, I was holding the egg and fumbled and cracked it all down my top! Nightmare, and to add to it MB had it all on film!
Anyway I cleaned myself up and we had the best night, food, cocktails, wine, laughs, meeting new people, and at 1 minute to midnight MB was still at the bar getting drinks - I was worried. But just as we were counting down he rushed over with the drinks, and gave me a huge kiss and said he loved me. I mean - can you ask for more?
MB started being a little distant and weird the next few days, and I just put it down to the fact he was going to have these days. He had family health issues, he'd just changed his entire life for a girl he has been speaking to for 2 months, and has jumped from one long term relationship into a pretty serious one.
That week I had a second interview for somewhere else - nerve wracking, but exciting. That day MB decided to drop a 'we need to talk' text - my heart sank and I thought it was over, but at the same time I was absolutely raging that he had done this to me on a day that was so important. How selfish? Why do men have this ability to only see what they want to - and not consider what is happening in other peoples lives? I had the car this day, for the interview, and I had to pick him up after work - I didn't say a word. We had to go to the supermarket - still nothing. Got home, and I poured a large glass of vino, sat on the sofa and just said "come on then, are you finishing with me?"
I won't go into all the details but he sat and cried - basically he still felt like he wasn't over his ex and can't give me the 110% I was giving him. He didn't think it was going to work. We went round the houses a bit and basically decided to take it one day at a time. From my point of view I was never naive enough to think he would stop having feelings for his ex, I just needed to know he wasn't in love with her. And in his head he couldn't at this point distinguish between the two.
That weekend we had a weekend in - briefly went for a curry round the corner - we drank and played board games, ate cheese, laughed, had lots of amazing sex (I should point out, I can't believe I have forgotten, that the sex was amazing!!! From the day he moved in we had sex every day without fail, sometimes twice. We had sex in all 3 bedrooms, in-front of a mirror, in the living room, in the kitchen, on the sofa, on the floor, on the poof thing in the living room - unreal)
Saturday I had taken my car to get some work done, and Sunday morning MB offered to go ad pick it up for me, because he needed to do some shopping in town. First of all I thought how generous that for once someone wanted to do something nice for me. But very quickly I realised there was a different motive - he was clearly going to meet E. This had happened a few times, but I always knew about it. This time he was hiding it.
When he got back HOURS later - I blew up. Id drank a lot and to say my insecurities had returned was an understatement. The anxiety was out of this world. The trust had gone!
He cried again told me how much he loves me, but can't do this and can't give me everything I need. He had decided he thought he should move out, but we would continue to be together. He had already found somewhere and was going to view it. I felt very betrayed - it turned out he did meet E but that was not the issue, this made him realise he wasn't in love with her, which was good. But his head was a mess and he needed his own space for a while.
I was a mess and to be honest its only gotten worse since. He viewed the place that Sunday, and he secured it by Monday. Wednesday he got the keys and he took me to see it. I was all over the place, I'd started to really pull back, but he was adamant that we would still be together, he just needed his own space to get his head right, and put the past behind him. We had date night that week, we had a lot more sex, we even went shopping on the Saturday to Ikea to buy new stuff for his place. To the second he moved in on the Saturday afternoon he was telling me it wasn't a break up. He didn't want me to hang about on the Saturday so he could settle in alone, which I was sad about but understood. From that moment on everything changed - and my heart was completely broken.
Reality check girl - give yourself a slap - the world is not that kind!
So December was blissful, we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and living together, we turned into a very cute little couple. MB didn't have a car and moving away from the city meant he moved away from work and could no longer walk. As luck would have it I was recently unemployed, so I didn't require my car in the day really, so he got insured and started using the car. Pretty big commitment right?
So I was going for interviews, and being the perfect little house wife - doing the cleaning, the washing and getting food in - he would then do the cooking, because he enjoyed it. We planned alsorts.
We had those amazing conversations where you stay up late, planning an amazing life together - he really wanted a baby, and I mean daily he would throw hints about wanting one now. We even agreed names - Norah and Ollie. A little much for me - but being up on my cloud 9 I thought my dreams had really started to come true. I mean I am 31 this year, and actually the option of having children, society persuades us, is getting slimmer by the day. So I would ideally like a child in the next couple of years if I am going to have any - not a fan of the idea of being an older mom. I will come onto my views of having children in another post - rant for another day :)
We talked about being each others 'end game' meaning this was the one, no more dating and messing about this was the one for life. We talked about getting a dog, because we are both obsessed, but currently work too many hours.
The first weekend MB was living with me, I had already arranged to go to one of my best friends birthday house party. Obviously I didn't know how he'd feel about it considering she used to work with us, so he knew her and it was still so soon. I asked him to join and he actually said yes! I was buzzing. It was fancy dress kind of - Christmas/Hawaiian theme (I know we are weird) so we all had shirts with surfing Santa's on, and MB wore a Hawaiian type shirt, really got in the spirit.
The party was great, MB met my sister again and he told her that he had moved in - which was so weird, but amazing that he wanted to tell her. We drank loads, we had our first photos together, we laughed and overall had such a good night. It couldn't have been better for me - my friends, my family and my new boyfriend.
The following week - another first, me and my sister had booked to go to a pub quiz with her dad and some of my friends. Again I left it to MB to see if he wanted to come. He was feeling pretty ill with flu so wasn't sure, but he agreed! Again, bringing my family friends and new boyfriend together, I was overwhelmed with joy.
We had date nights and nights in - I even went to an event, and MB dropped me and my friends and I came home drunk to him. It was starting to really feel like a relationship very quickly.
So I eventually got a job, and by eventually I actually turned it around in 3 weeks, which is pretty damn good if you ask me - my first week was pretty intense having to stay away for a few nights - Warrington and Ireland. So this was another first for us - being apart, and MB having my house to himself - big step? But everything was great, we messaged all the time, we face timed once if not twice a day. I flew home from Cork and that night we had the work fake Christmas Party.
This was the first thing we were going to as a couple - but not really advertising it. MB felt that it was too soon after his split to advertise that he was with someone new. However a few people did twig. Going home with him and people seeing this was such a weird feeling - pride, excitement, anxious, love! I was so happy.
That weekend we were parting again for Christmas - I was going to spend the holiday with my family in Wales, and he was going to his in Leicester. I already couldn't bare to be apart from him.
So MB is a giving and thoughtful person, and when we had initially talked about Christmas we had said no presents. Then over the weeks we had started saying presents. So I got carried away - brought him new Converse as he never owned a pair - even as I am writing this, and I'm sure as you are reading, we are all thinking RED FLAG. Agreed, who doesn't own Converse? I also got him some aftershave that you can no longer get over the counter, so this was an effort. I got some Jack wills boxers and socks, and a cheese fondue set because he is such a lover of cheese!
When we exchanged, he gave me a wrapped envelope ... again I know you are thinking Red Flag! I had gone to a lot of effort, and clearly this wasn't reciprocated. Now don't get me wrong I don't give to receive, and he had just come out of a relationship so to buy for someone new would be weird for anyone. He loved his gifts (we opened before going away) and I must say I loved mine. He knows how much I love cars, and it was a really fantastic track day in 4 super cars. So it was thoughtful after all, and cost fortune to be fair.
I dropped MB at the train station with all his gifts for his family (which I had chosen, as per a typical boy he was useless) and picked up my sister and headed off to Wales.
It was a lovely few days, and I actually did miss MB. He told me repeatedly he missed me and loved me, we messaged all day every day and face timed once if not twice a day. We were heading back for work on the Wednesday and he thought there were plenty of trains, but he messed up and there were none. So being a good girlfriend that I am, I offered to drive all the way to Leicester on the way home ... which entails going an hour passed Birmingham to come back. He did take over the driving though so not all bad.
I basically would do anything for this boy. I really loved him. <3
Next few days were weird - E messaged me again saying MB wanted to get back with her, and it really knocked me sick. He said there was no truth in it and that he still wanted to be with me. I started to really feel ill, and not want to eat with all the insecurities I had.
My last relationship had ended really badly, and I really struggled mentally afterwards. Its scary how something can effect you physically and mentally. Before MB moved in I sat with him and clearly said if we are going to do this, we do it properly and all in, I was so clear that I couldn't get hurt again like I was before. And in many ways he has hurt me more!
New Years Eve however was brilliant. I was at work in the day, we had gotten into a routine of MB dropping me at the station in the morning and picking me up - it was so cute. And he actually wanted to do it too. So he picked me up after work, and he had booked a restaurant, and I had booked somewhere for drinks to actually spend midnight.
We had a few drinks at home - loads of selfies, and Polaroid pictures, before we went. Then we went to a Tepinyaki restaurant that was brilliant. I had never done before, have you? Where they cook in-front of you and you choose exactly whats going into the dish. I had duck! AMAZING! But they also get you to participate. Now I am clumsy at the best of times - trust me! But when this little guy asked me to stand up in-front of people and flip an un-cracked egg and catch it, well normally I would say no, never in a million years! But I'd a few wines, so I gave it a go. I actually did it can you believe and was so pleased, but as per Harriet world, I was holding the egg and fumbled and cracked it all down my top! Nightmare, and to add to it MB had it all on film!
Anyway I cleaned myself up and we had the best night, food, cocktails, wine, laughs, meeting new people, and at 1 minute to midnight MB was still at the bar getting drinks - I was worried. But just as we were counting down he rushed over with the drinks, and gave me a huge kiss and said he loved me. I mean - can you ask for more?
MB started being a little distant and weird the next few days, and I just put it down to the fact he was going to have these days. He had family health issues, he'd just changed his entire life for a girl he has been speaking to for 2 months, and has jumped from one long term relationship into a pretty serious one.
That week I had a second interview for somewhere else - nerve wracking, but exciting. That day MB decided to drop a 'we need to talk' text - my heart sank and I thought it was over, but at the same time I was absolutely raging that he had done this to me on a day that was so important. How selfish? Why do men have this ability to only see what they want to - and not consider what is happening in other peoples lives? I had the car this day, for the interview, and I had to pick him up after work - I didn't say a word. We had to go to the supermarket - still nothing. Got home, and I poured a large glass of vino, sat on the sofa and just said "come on then, are you finishing with me?"
I won't go into all the details but he sat and cried - basically he still felt like he wasn't over his ex and can't give me the 110% I was giving him. He didn't think it was going to work. We went round the houses a bit and basically decided to take it one day at a time. From my point of view I was never naive enough to think he would stop having feelings for his ex, I just needed to know he wasn't in love with her. And in his head he couldn't at this point distinguish between the two.
That weekend we had a weekend in - briefly went for a curry round the corner - we drank and played board games, ate cheese, laughed, had lots of amazing sex (I should point out, I can't believe I have forgotten, that the sex was amazing!!! From the day he moved in we had sex every day without fail, sometimes twice. We had sex in all 3 bedrooms, in-front of a mirror, in the living room, in the kitchen, on the sofa, on the floor, on the poof thing in the living room - unreal)
Saturday I had taken my car to get some work done, and Sunday morning MB offered to go ad pick it up for me, because he needed to do some shopping in town. First of all I thought how generous that for once someone wanted to do something nice for me. But very quickly I realised there was a different motive - he was clearly going to meet E. This had happened a few times, but I always knew about it. This time he was hiding it.
When he got back HOURS later - I blew up. Id drank a lot and to say my insecurities had returned was an understatement. The anxiety was out of this world. The trust had gone!
He cried again told me how much he loves me, but can't do this and can't give me everything I need. He had decided he thought he should move out, but we would continue to be together. He had already found somewhere and was going to view it. I felt very betrayed - it turned out he did meet E but that was not the issue, this made him realise he wasn't in love with her, which was good. But his head was a mess and he needed his own space for a while.
I was a mess and to be honest its only gotten worse since. He viewed the place that Sunday, and he secured it by Monday. Wednesday he got the keys and he took me to see it. I was all over the place, I'd started to really pull back, but he was adamant that we would still be together, he just needed his own space to get his head right, and put the past behind him. We had date night that week, we had a lot more sex, we even went shopping on the Saturday to Ikea to buy new stuff for his place. To the second he moved in on the Saturday afternoon he was telling me it wasn't a break up. He didn't want me to hang about on the Saturday so he could settle in alone, which I was sad about but understood. From that moment on everything changed - and my heart was completely broken.
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